What do we picture a homeless person looks like? Is there a certain image in our minds? No doubt, it’s a version of the stereotype mold most hold…. Uneducated, unclean, perhaps drug addicted or alcoholic…. Nowhere in that version we imagine is a college educated, well spoken, dedicated mom who just six months earlier was earning nearly 200K a year.
Most people I have found give little to no thought to the homeless population out there; how they got there, what their lives were like before, what it must be like for them now, and what it’s like to have nowhere to go once the sun goes down. It’s too difficult to imagine so we just don’t. Instead we almost dehumanize the homeless, for that makes it easier for us to justify, and almost gives us permission to simply look the other way.
Have you ever had a serious conversation with your friends about the homeless problem in your community? Probably not. I haven’t met too many people willing to engage in a frank discussion on the subject….. it’s easier for most to just turn a blind eye and walk past it.
So here’s my story, a story that is not easy to relive, but important to share. Perhaps it will shed some light on the issue, bring awareness to the increasing problem so many in our country face today…people like me, who never in their lives could even fathom this could happen to them. I am sure I am not alone in circumstance.
I was at the height of success in my career. I had recently been given a promotion to the highest of positions in my field, and was enjoying the fruits of 20 years of hard work in a predominately male driven industry. I was one of only 2 women in such high authority in my company and was finally rewarded with the recognition I deserved given my consistent job performance over the years. With this promotion, came my choice of cities, and I chose our Southern California beach location as my post.
I was a single mom, with a high schooler still at home and although I had an hour commute, the work schedule was ideal, giving me 4 days off a week for mom duty. The pay was insane given the minimum hours I was required to put in; I was earning nearly $20,000 a month working a part time job and one that I loved to boot.
I had been with the same company for over ten years, less a short relocation to the east coast that didn’t pan out. My company was beyond pleased at word of my return and was quick to lure me back with this position.
Just over a year in, I had started to feel the effects of a tick bite I had gotten while back in Connecticut. I knew I had been infected but swollen knees and joint pain were the main symptoms of Lyme Disease as far as I knew so I didn’t worry so much about it at the time.
As time went on I began to get very fatigued, so bad that I had to pull over on my commute to nap on the side of the road. It wasn’t long before the pain became so bad that I would sneak away in between clients and cry in the stairwell. Then I noticed my memory began to fail me. Things escalated very quickly from there and before I knew it I was suffering from debilitating Lyme Disease with such neurological deficit that I was unable to continue to work.
I sought out a specialist that put me on 1 month disability leave from my job. That first month I spent over $10,000 in an effort to get well, but instead just got sicker and sicker. Soon, I was unable to drive, getting lost in my own neighborhood and eventually forgetting how to drive a car altogether. One month disability turned into one year. Little did I know that I would never return to work again.
Thankfully I was covered as a high ranking manager with a company paid disability policy. These policies are designed explicitly for those that become too sick to work, with a 60% salary pay out while out on leave, so long as your physician will support the disability with the necessary documentation. If only it had been that easy. I never could have imagined the legal battle that lay ahead of me, nor how serious the disease would progress over the next decade of my life.
The short version goes something like this. My retirement was completely spent on medical bills. Then, the short term disability policy was denied, based on lack of evidence, despite my labs and physician’s supportive evidence. Apparently it’s a game all insurance companies play; to drag out the case long enough to where the policy holder either gets tired of pursuing it, gets better and returns to work, or dies.
What came next was like something out of a movie. As I write this some years later I still find it hard to believe that this happened to ME. A lesson for all readers…. This can happen to ANYONE. Nobody is immune. And this does happen in America. Every.Single.Day.
I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I did everything right. I went to a private university in New England, graduated at the top of my class with high honors. I went on to excel in my career. I was living a privileged life, being able to afford luxuries like travel and a private education for my son. The fact that I played by the rules society had taught me to made no difference. I simply got bit by a tick on vacation with my son. But still I became the next victim of a very broken system.
First, the medical system failed me. Because little was known about my disease it was laden with controversy, and doctors couldn’t seem to agree with one another about how to treat it. The testing too was seriously flawed so then came the insurance denials. The disease affected nearly every system in my body and soon the medical bills piled so high I depleted all of my savings. Still much too ill to work I was unable to keep up with the bills and my son and I found ourselves out on the street with nowhere to go.
I will never forget in all of my life the day we left our home and aimlessly drove to the city park. With kid and pets in tow, I had no idea what our next move would be. I was terrified but tried to put on a strong front for the benefit of my son.
After a few hours on the phone I was fortunate enough to have an aunt and uncle donate funds for a month stay at a nearby hotel. I knew that was a big stretch for them financially and I would have to have this all sorted out by the time the month ended or we would truly be on the street.
I applied for assistance from the state. Turns out they assist LOW income, and informed me I did not qualify as I had NO income. I couldn’t believe my ears. I was too poor to even qualify for welfare! I also applied for low income housing, same issue, as well as the one and a half year waitlist for an apartment.
The state did approve me for food stamps and I was grateful to receive them. But they came up short in feeding a high school boy of over 6 feet tall. There were many nights he went hungry despite me giving up my supper for him. I still have vivid memories of standing in line at the checker only to find my food card had insufficient funds to pay for the groceries in my cart. My son lost 25 lbs in quick succession and I nearly died when the doctor questioned him, only to hear my son tell him he hasn’t been eating as much. The lowest point in all of my life was when my son asked for food for his 17th birthday.
The month at the hotel was a godsend but quickly passed. I was determined to get my son through high school at all costs. Next came a series of moves, bouncing between friends sofas and blow up beds in basements. My son’s last 2 months of school we spent apart, he with a friend and me with a kind stranger from a support group that offered me a room about an hour away. It was less than ideal but we were grateful to be off the street.
My son graduated high school and with no time to celebrate we were on a plane across country to stay with family back east the very next day. I had had all of my gold jewelry melted down was able to raise enough money for 2 airline tickets.
Still bedridden I spent the next seven years fighting a legal battle like no other, only to lose due to a technicality which erred on the side of the insurance company, despite the judge finding me legally disabled. The details are a book in itself and I will spare you but suffice to say it was the biggest wake up call to the imperfections of our broken system.
So in a nutshell, the inadequate medical system, the flawed social system and the corrupt legal system all contributed to putting this family into the nightmare of their lives.
It has been 12 years since that awful day we drove to the park. I have still not recovered, physically, emotionally or financially. Once we fall that low it is difficult to rise up again. My health still prevents me from employment and I am to this day at the mercy of the generosity of my family and friends. Without it I would be homeless and on the street instead of homeless and staying with family. And my biggest fear is I someday will be.
I hope after reading this, the next time you see a homeless person you will think twice before judging them. It is so easy to assume people are deserving of their fates but from experience I can tell you I now look at this community with the compassion, understanding and empathy that they have deserved all along.